Friday, October 6, 2017

How the Narcissist won you over for life

From the first time he smiled at you, he had one goal.  That goal was to make you love him.  He wants your undying devotional love and he knows just how to get it. 

The Love Bomb
First he love bombs you.  He cant live without you.  You are everything he ever wanted in a woman.  He wants to know everything about you today.  No waiting around, he wants you now.  You can do no wrong.  You love who you are when you are with him because he figures out what motivates you and he goes for it.  Feel insecure about your hips?  He will find a way to casually tell you that you have the sexiest hips he has ever seen.  He will act as if he is building your ego, but it is all an act.

The narc wants you to be exclusive, even if he is not. The mistake that victims make is becoming exclusive when he is not.  Sleeping with a narc does not mean he is exclusive, it means he had sex with you.  Do not give exclusivity too soon, you need to make a full life that involves your boyfriend, not one that revolves around him.

The Test
You are casually talking to your narc one day when he slips in a comment about talking to another woman.  He moves over it so quickly as if it's nothing, then he goes back to singing your praises. A person with high self esteem will see right through this and will back him up, make him explain why he is talking to someone else and will probably break up with him right then. 

The Turn
One day you notice that the narc has not texted you today.  It's out of the ordinary, he usually texts you dozens of times a day.  By this time, you are so into him, that you miss his texts, so you text him back.  Instead of being met with a loving text, you are slammed and blamed.   He texts you dozens of times a day and now suddenly your one text is "smothering" or "annoying". 

The Discard That Isn't The End
He dumps you.  You never saw it coming.  He went back to his ex-girlfriend, or found someone who understands him, or one of many other excuses, but you are suddenly so last week.  It was like someone dumped you off the see saw when you were up high.  You slam to the ground, lost. 

The Bait
You work hard to get over him.  You spend many days crying while he enjoys his time with his latest fling.  One night when you feel you can finally move on without him, you get the text.  He says he misses you.  He baits you with whatever words he thinks you want to hear.  Anything to get you back while he also has his new supply.  Will you take the bait?

The Life of Longing
He wants you to be there when he calls or texts, but does not want you to bother him otherwise.  He wants you to spend the rest of your life longing to see him.  Is that what you want?