Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Key Point #5 Narcissist Fairy Tales - What They Tell Others




This key point is for any narc.

Your narc spouse cheated on you with your best friend.  He promised not to cheat again, but three weeks later you find that he is cheating again with a woman at work and you suspect he has another fling, but you cant quite find her.  Your narc tells his girlfriends that you suffocate him and that he feels like he cannot go to the bathroom alone.


Your narc mom made your childhood miserable.  She tried to abandon you several times and she beat you.  She says you make up drama for the sake of it.


You had something traumatic happen in your childhood.   You nearly drowned in the ocean and are now scared of water.  You tell someone this story with your narc mom present.  She says it never happened....in front of your friend.


Narcs have an alternate reality that best suits them.  Their actions have no consequences, but yours do.  They have learned to manipulate the truth to make themselves look better.


You can put time and energy into trying to make them look bad for lying or you can let their own lies engulf their life.  People may act like they do not see the narcs lies, but they will eventually.   My own mom's sister (my aunt) acts as if she isn't sure my mom lies.  She grew up with her, she knows the woman is lying if her mouth is moving, she just does not want to get into that battle.  Allow people the right not to get involved.  Just smile and say, "If that is how you remember it" and leave it at that.   If someone says to you that the narc has a different version simply answer, "Wow, do they really think so? What type of person would lie like that?".

Do not get into it.  Chances are, the person is a flying monkey and set to run your story back to the narc...and you will pay.  Lord knows we all have to "pay".



Here are some books I found helpful.


Key Point #4 It's Always Your Fault When Dealing With The Narc




Yes, it is always your fault.  It does not matter if the narc is a co-worker, a mother, father, partner, husband, wife, sister or friend.  It is always your fault.



You just caught your boyfriend or husband narc cheating.  It's your fault because you over-react to everything, so you were not told.  People have to walk on egg shells around you, they are scared of you so they don't tell you anything.  It's your own fault.  You pushed the narc into cheating by being suspicious even if you weren't.


Your father is dying of cancer and your narc mom decides to plan a trip.  She is currently punishing you for something so she isn't talking to you.  Even though they live 600 miles from you and have to drive 2 miles away from your home to get to the beach, you aren't told there is a family vacation. Why?  Because you would cause drama.  Someone might have to do something you want to do while they are at the beach and it's the last trip ever for your dad, and no one wants to remember you in it because you are so demanding.   You find out there was a trip when people start posting photos of everyone at the beach.  If you ask anyone why you were not invited, you will be the drama maker.  The narc mom who planned on omitting you from the trip is a victim of your drama.  So you cry alone instead because without doing a thing, it was your fault.


You invite your narc mom to your son's Eagle Scout Ceremony.  She said it sounds boring and she does not want to go.  You tell her that they plan on honoring the grandparents and you are expected to let them know why grandparents won't be there.  You can't tell them the truth, so you are forced to lie.  She finds out and is angry about the lie you chose to tell.  It's all your fault, you caused drama.  Her real reason was not the drama here, YOUR lie was the drama.


The narc will always turn things around on you.  You will be expected to put up with their cheating, cover for their lies and do it while worshiping the ground they walk on.

If you choose to keep the narc in your life, this will be your life. Here are some books I found helpful:

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

What If Your Narcissist Mom Or Dad Cuts You Out Of The Will?



If you have been reading my posts, or know a narcissist, you know that they will do anything to manipulate you. Yes, anything. In my family, the most desperate threat of all is to either leave someone out of the will, or to leave them the "Slap in the face" $1.

 I know this is what my narcissist mom plans to do to me, and this may be what yours is doing to you. There actually is something you can do about it.

 First off, realize that this is desperation. In the narcissist mind, it's not the thought of getting nothing that brings them to this, it's the thought of living without the narc. In a narcissists mind, their presence is a blessing to you and everyone else, so dying is the greatest punishment ever.
 This actually may be true, but for different reasons than the narc believes. We all want a mom or dad who loves us and we have been robbed of that. Our narcissistic parents have stolen from us the loving family that we have always dreamed about and replaced it with a narc who thinks only about his or herself. Who cares what you want, it's always about the narcissist. The bad parenting goes beyond the narc and into the child's life. Many narcissist parents love seeing their kids fail, or love seeing them in the spotlight whether they want to be or not.

 A parent's job is to find what the child wants to do and help develop those skills and talents. Our narcissistic parents failed here. They created dependent kids who spent their life walking on egg shells trying not to upset the narc parent.

 When I was a child, I wanted to be a gymnast to the point that I taught myself to do a back handspring. I wanted it bad, but I didn't have the equipment or training to properly learn it. Do you think my narcissist mom cared? No. She ignored my requests for gymnastics lessons. I wanted to go to college. She did nothing to help me get there, and when I did go behind her back and get into a college, she made sure I had no way to get to class.


 I also spent much of my life in a weird isolation.  I saw church people an my mom's family and that was all.    We were allowed to see my mom's family one day per week. I enjoyed this day because I got to hang out with my cousins and roam free doing what I wanted without a critical eye....or so I thought. I got dirty once and my mom became angry and sat me down on the porch swing and told me that I was to stay there and not get into the car. I was not to tell my father anything or I would have to stay there forever, but I was not allowed to go home. I immediately began crying and my mom's evil side showed in her face. I knew she had no love for me. I knew nothing I did or said was going to change her mind because I had to pay. I had to pay by staying at my grandparents for a week and I would have to tell them some lie about why I was left behind. Luckily my dad chose to walk out the door beside me. I was crying hard, and he glanced at me and told me to get to the car. I cried louder and louder and by the time he was halfway to the car, he realized something was wrong and asked me why I was not obeying him and going to the car. That was my cue. I ran to him and told him what my evil mother had said. He looked at her as if he could not believe she said it. She shrugged and said, "I never said that, she's lying". My dad turned and walked to the car never questioning my mom. He believed her. I got to go home with my parents, but I also knew that my dad was never going to believe me and that my mom was free to tell any lie she could dream up. That was my life.



 So, yes, my mom has made sure I found out that I am being left $1 from her will (although I highly suspect she has not and will not write a will because that would be even worse). What will I do? My mom cannot stand homosexuals. She feels they are an abomination and if they were struck from the earth today, she would be happy. One time she wondered outloud if all the straight people left San Francisco for a single day if her god would strike the city from the earth. She was sure he would. So


What will I do when my mom dies? I will take her $1 or anything else she leaves me and add $999 to it and donate it to a charity.

 I think I will try to find one that finds homes for young people who have discovered they are gay and been cut out by their families. My goal is two fold. First, to slap my mom back by not caring that she died and left me $1 and second to make something good come from it. If your parents have cut you out of the will, realize that it is an act of desperation to make you fall in line.


 You can fall in line for money, or you can live the life you want to live without it. I make more in a year than my mom's assets are worth, and frankly, she can light it all on fire for all I care. I do not need her or her money.

 I have mourned the mom I always wanted and you can too. If you need help mourning your mom, hop on over to this article and get started mourning the parents god never gave you.  How to Mourn The Mom You Always Wanted


Here are some books I found helpful:

Friday, April 7, 2017

Free or Nearly Free Ketogenic Diet Recipes on Amazon





You can get free or nearly free cookbooks for the dash diet on amazon and you don’t have to have a kindle!
First, you will need to download the free kindle reading app for your computer. You can find it here:
Amazon.com - Read eBooks using the FREE Kindle Reading App on Most Devices
Next, check out the cool books below. At the time I wrote this, they are all 99 cents or free. If they pop up in price it is because the publisher was running a promotion for a limited time. Why do publishers give away free books? They would like you to review them once you have read them. They can’t require you to review them though, so they just offer some free hoping you will review them.
When you find a book you want, click “buy now with 1 click” and use the pulldown box to say where you want it sent. Your book will arrive and you can read it. You do NOT need kindle unlimited. Amazon wants people to buy kindle unlimited, so they make that the first choice when downloading the book, the “buy now with 1 click” button is just below it.

Free or Nearly Free Paleo Diet Cookbooks on Amazon





You can get free or nearly free cookbooks for the dash diet on amazon and you don’t have to have a kindle!
First, you will need to download the free kindle reading app for your computer. You can find it here:
Amazon.com - Read eBooks using the FREE Kindle Reading App on Most Devices
Next, check out the cool books below. At the time I wrote this, they are all 99 cents or free. If they pop up in price it is because the publisher was running a promotion for a limited time. Why do publishers give away free books? They would like you to review them once you have read them. They can’t require you to review them though, so they just offer some free hoping you will review them.
When you find a book you want, click “buy now with 1 click” and use the pulldown box to say where you want it sent. Your book will arrive and you can read it. You do NOT need kindle unlimited. Amazon wants people to buy kindle unlimited, so they make that the first choice when downloading the book, the “buy now with 1 click” button is just below it.

Dash Diet Cookbooks for Free or Nearly Free





You can get free or nearly free cookbooks for the dash diet on amazon and you don’t have to have a kindle!
First, you will need to download the free kindle reading app for your computer. You can find it here:
Amazon.com - Read eBooks using the FREE Kindle Reading App on Most Devices
Next, check out the cool books below. At the time I wrote this, they are all 99 cents or free. If they pop up in price it is because the publisher was running a promotion for a limited time. Why do publishers give away free books? They would like you to review them once you have read them. They can’t require you to review them though, so they just offer some free hoping you will review them.
When you find a book you want, click “buy now with 1 click” and use the pulldown box to say where you want it sent. Your book will arrive and you can read it. You do NOT need kindle unlimited. Amazon wants people to buy kindle unlimited, so they make that the first choice when downloading the book, the “buy now with 1 click” button is just below it.
Here are the bargains I found today:

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Your Narc Has Cancer!






You are relaxing one day and get a call from your long lost narc's cousin.  She says your narc was diagnosed with cancer and she just thought you should know.  She said the narc is very ill and they are all worried.

How do you react?




If you are no contact, your response is:

I hope you understand that I am no contact with the person you are speaking of, and because of that, I can't listen to this call.  I hope you understand.  CLICK.


I know it sounds harsh, but no contact means no talking about the person, no speaking their name, no listening to other people talk about them.  It means the person does not exist to you.  You cannot break your no contact for any reason...even cancer.




If you are low contact, you need to do some further thinking on this one.  First off, is it true or is it "bait" to get you to spend more time in the presence of the narc.   Narcs can and do lie about illness to get attention.  This is pretty easy to figure out.  Ask what Dr they are seeing.  Ask if they are seeing an oncologist and which practice and which doctor.  If you choose, you can even trick them and ask if they are seeing a nephrologist (a kidney specialist) for their brain cancer.  

When you get the call, ask questions.  The person on the other line may or may not have dug deep, but ask if they offered to take the person to their doctor's appointment.  Ask if they think the narc would agree to a family meeting with the doctor so that everyone can know what the plan is for the treatment and they won't have to keep bothering the narc asking about treatment.

Narcs can be creative.  I met a narc once whose Doctor did not exist and who only talked to the family via text message when the patient was at appointments.  Doctors do not text medical information.  They aren't allowed, yet this person had everyone believing she was dying of cancer.

Our goal is not to be mean to a person who is actually diagnosed with a disease or illness.  Our goal is to be aware that narcs make up illnesses to bait us into coming back into their lives.  By intercepting the person that delivers the message and asking them all kinds of questions, you take the focus off of you and put it back onto the narc.

If your narc has a disease or illness, I am sorry, and I wish you the best in dealing with it, but if your narc is trying to bait you, please take some time and ask questions and get other people to ask questions.  The more details that are required from the narc, the more chances they have to slip up.



Key Point #3 The Cheating Narcissist Who Wants You Back




I had a friend one time go through a really rough divorce from a narc.  They were in their late 30's and she found out he was seeing an 18 year old who was living on her own.   When confronted, he left and she began divorce proceedings.  Divorce in that state was not the most difficult around, but there was a process and it was not immediate.

My friend would phone me and tell me all about her husband wanting to get back with her.  He would tell her on the phone that he made a huge mistake, that he wanted to come "talk".  These talks always ended in sex, then he would go back to his girlfriend's house.  She would then phone me saying things like, "Guess what, my husband said his New Year's Resolution is to come home to me!"

At the time, I wanted to smack her.  The narc was getting sex from two women and stringing her along, keeping her from meeting anyone else with his promises to get back together.  For some reason, she could not see through his lies.  She could not see that she was being used for sex and that he didn't want her to move on and find someone who loved her for who she was.


So what do you do if your narc leaves you for someone, then contacts you and says he is torn between the two of you?

He may blame you and this is typical, but it is not your fault.  His lack of integrity has nothing to do with you, it is HIS or HER lack of integrity.   Nothing you did made your partner sleep with someone else.

So what do you do when your cheating narc contacts you and says he still loves you and somehow wants to make it work?   You need to realize what he is doing.  I know part of you wants to get even with the new supply and sleep with him just so he cheats on her too, but that will do no good for any of you except the narc.   Do NOT sleep with him.

If your narc says he is torn and he wants to make things work out with you, give him some rules.

Rule #1  You cannot live with another person while working on a relationship.

This rule is not open to interpretation.  He must move out of the new lover's space before he can begin to work on things with you.  He will have a million reasons why this rule does not apply to him, but it is the simplest and most basic rule.  You deserve someone who loves you and you alone, not someone who spends their life cheating on you.


Rule #2 No sex

This is the hardest one because 9 times out of 10, the narc is using you for sex that he or she is not getting from the new supply.  If your narc moves out of the new supply's house and you do want to work things out, you must work on the relationship without sex before adding it back in.  Tell him or her that you have taken a year vow of celibacy and that you have no intent on sleeping with anyone prior to that vow being up.  A person who wants to be with you will wait for you.  A narc who is using you for sex will try to get you to break that vow because they want sex and not the relationship.

Narcs have trouble with day to day boredom.  They want new and exciting all the time, by forcing them into the day to day "boredom" the true colors will show.

Rule #3  Public dates only for 9 months.

If the cheating narc wants to work on your relationship, they need to take you to public places and the costs of dinners etc, needs to be on them.  You are not the narc's wallet at this point, he or she is trying to win you back, so it's not going to be on your dime and you are best off to keep things in public.  This way, you are lessening the chances that the narc is going to try to bring over too much beer, get you emotional then have sex.

Rule #4 The narc may not see anyone else

If your narc has cheated on you, you have every right to spy to find out if they are seeing others during this "win me back" phase.  This phase lasts for a year, and if your narc has gone that year without cheating on you, then you can start to relax the rules, but chances are, the narc isn't going to last a year without cheating, and you have every right to spy during this year to see if he or she is lying.   They broke your trust.  You did not cheat.  You deserve to know if the narc is really changing or not.



I know these sound harsh, but if you don't want a lifetime of being worried that you may have an STD, you need to show the narc that you are not going to put up with any cheating at all.  You need full access to their phone and email during this time and you need to know where he or she is when they are not at home.  This will not stop a true narc from cheating, but it could prove to you that this narc is not worth your time and that you deserve someone who loves you and someone who feels that you are enough.

You deserve someone who feels that you are enough.



For more support, read How to Get Over the Narc

Key Point #2 Does the Narcissist Miss You?





This is a complicated answer.  First off, if you are asking this question, first ask yourself if you are projecting your feelings onto the narcissist.  Do you miss the narcissist and wish they miss you?  This is a dangerous situation, because you are vulnerable when you feel this way.  The first step is to realize that you miss the lie you were sold, not the narcissist himself.  The lie you were sold is NOT the narcissist, but the persona he or she made up to catch you.


Narcissist do not feel emotions they way normal people do.  A narcissists acts from ego, and does not experience the loss and longing that you feel.

You feel a sense of sadness and longing for the perfect person you first met.  You want that relationship back, you miss the lie you were sold.  So what does a narcissist feel when you initiate no contact?

Some narcissists feel anger when you initiate no contact.  This reaction can be the same no matter who the narcissist is in your life.  I made the mistake of telling my narcissist that I was no longer speaking to her, and her initial reaction was to send me back an email with the heading "Drama Queen".  I did not read it.  I deleted it because I said I was going no contact and I meant it.   My narcissist was trying to blame me for the no contact out of anger.  Your narc can show the anger, or they can hide it.  If your narc shows anger with violence, please immediately phone the police.  This is not something to play with, it is a dangerous person that can be capable of hurting you.  The narcissist felt you were their property or under their control and you just set a boundary.  This is going to make the narcissist angry.

The anger can cause the narc to decide to implement revenge motives.  Please be careful of these.  Revenge motives can vary by the narc.  While one may decide to try to win you back, another may decide to try to beat some sense into you.  Either way, you can't fall for these tricks.   You set the boundary, the narcissist will try to get you to remove that boundary because the narcissist believes you are an extension of him or her and therefore incapable of independent thought.  A narcissist believes they are god's gift to you, and therefore you need to come to your senses and fall back into line.  The fact that you refuse makes him or her angry.

Out of this anger, the narc might try to allow you to go no contact and to refuse to talk to you also.  The narcissist does not miss you, but they know that you miss them and they plan to use this against you!  By withdrawing all contact, the narcissist believes you will realize that he or she is god's gift to you and you will come running back.  If your narc gives you the silent treatment, consider yourself lucky and make sure you block all avenues of contact.

If you have not blocked all avenues of contact, you are not truly no contact, you are playing games trying to win the narc back.  I know that is hard to hear, but unless you have kids with your narc and are required to have some form of communications (god bless you), you cannot say you are no contact and have anything unblocked.

Leaving any avenue open is setting you up for heartbreak!  When the narc does not contact you, the victim, you begin to feel rejected and become in danger of contacting the narc yourself!  Do not fall for this.  By leaving even one open avenue, you are setting yourself up to feel like it was all your fault and that is exactly what the narc wants.

Some may be involved with a narc who comes to you and states that they are truly changed.  They have seen the error of their ways!  They want to come back to you, the love of their life and they miss you. They promise to change, they promise to go back to being the made up lie they sold you.  They will promise anything to get you to take them back again!  Do not fall for it, in their mind, they want to come back to you not because they miss you, but because getting new supply will cost time and money and they want something from you now.  The narc knows what you want and will try to become that at least until they can find new supply and break your heart again.

So no, the narcissist does not miss you in the way that you miss him or her.  If the narc is your parent, I encourage you to read my article on mourning the mom or dad you always wanted and never had.

If the narc is a partner, I just want to tell you that you are worth more than this!  You deserve someone who loves you and wants to be with you.  Someone who wants to learn about you over time and wants to see you happy.  Someone who wants to learn your favorite color and favorite activities.

And one last question.  What would happen if the person who wants to love you for who you are comes along and stumbles across you and the narc?  What if he or she thinks, "Oh, they are in a relationship, so I guess I will have to find someone else".  I encourage you not to waste your time with someone who is not right for you.


For more support read How to Get Over the Narc