Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Getting Over Your Narcissist Ex-Husband or Ex-Boyfriend

Why is it so hard to get over a narc?  Because you were groomed to think the two of you were meant for each other.  You were sold a person that does not exist.  When you said you favorite food was ice cream, he or she said, "MINE TOO!!".  When you said you hated parties, he or she said, "No Way, I do too!".  You were made to feel that the two of you were born to be together.  You were made to feel that you were perfect for each other.  When the narc was sure that you were convinced, his or her true self started to show.  The narc became the person who cheats, lies, talks badly about you, etc.

At some point, you have enough and you decide to move on.....but the hard part comes now.  First off, the narc is not willing to let supply go.  If you get weak and call, you can bet they will answer the phone with, "I was just thinking about you".  They were not, the narc says that to everyone.  

The way to get over a narc is to realize that there are 2 people involved here.  There is the persona that you were sold and there is the real narc.  By separating the two personalities, you realize that you miss the person that does not exist.  You miss the kind, caring person, not the narc.  

You need to mourn the person that does not exist while realizing that the narc is not that person either, that he or she made the person up so that they could snag you.   When you feel lonely and weak and want to call the narc, remember, you are not calling the kind, loving person you miss.  The person you miss is gone.  Do not call the narc, he or she is mean and evil.  Instead, treat it as you would treat the death of a close friend.  

When you miss your dead friend, write a letter to him or her.  Take it out and bury it, symbolically burying your feelings.  Go to a local graveyard and pick a lonely tombstone.   When you want to talk to the narc, go this tombstone and mourn the person you loved.  If you are uncomfortable with that, pick a park and pick a location in the park.  A nice park bench could work, or just a spot on a path where you can talk to the person you miss and mourn them.  

Remember that the person you were sold does not exist and even though it came from the narc, the narc is NOT the person you miss.  The person you miss can be mourned and you can move on. 

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Make Money Blogging Part 2

Now you have your setup.  It's time to get a website.  You can go with a free one, but it's better to have your own website with your own name.  To do this, you will need a host like blogger or wordpress. Wordpress allows you to buy themes to make your blog look more professional, but I like weebly and their themes. Take a look at weebly for those extra special themes.
Weebly - The Easiest Way To Create A Website

I also really like NameCheap for registering your blog's web address. They can be found here: Register your domain as low as $0.88/year

You will then need to find companies that will pay you to post.  I would recommend joining shareasale.  Shareasale


You can search your blog's theme on shareasale and find companies that allow you to become an affiliate.  I like that it's all in one place and I don't have to remember 20 websites.  I can log into one site and see it all.

I know this sounds like a lot of info all at once, but it is really important to nail down your theme and go with companies that fit your niche.  You will get better sales if you stick to what your customers want.

Good Luck!

Make Money Online By Blogging

Before you start, you will need a good computer, a good phone with a camera and a good camera.

Computer - I like the MacBook Pro.  This is the one I like best.  One thing I noticed is that I can buy a cheaper laptop, but they tend to stop working after about a year.  The MacBook is about 4 years old now and still going strong.  It runs fast too and no sense wasting time waiting for pages to load.

Shop Amazon - Contract Cell Phones & Service Plans for you cell phone.  The absolute best is iPhone 6Plus, but if you can't afford that, the 5SE is probably next best and it's smaller, just like the older 4 models.  The camera has greatly improved, so if you can't afford a really good cell phone, get a really good camera.

Camera- The link goes to the entire kit package, but if you prefer to piece together, you can buy just the camera itself.  I found though that it's really cheaper to buy the entire kit than to try to piece together what you need.  If you already have some of the items, go for the camera alone.

Ready to move onto part 2?  http://emmafrancisathome.blogspot.com/2017/01/make-money-blogging-part-2.html

How I failed the narc's plan to trash me

I had a friend who was a narc and one day she turned on me.  I caught her talking badly about me to others and when confronted with the question, "So what I hear you say is that it's ok for you to talk badly about me to people".  She blew.  She started a huge smear campaign and I was so unaware of what was going on that I fell for the entire thing.

I lost several people that I thought were my friends during that smear campaign.  She made up a story about me stalking her and wanting to be her and told people that it was best if no one mentions her around me.  She then decided she was scared of me and called people crying about how afraid she was.   I was completely unaware at the time that all this was going on.  I only knew that I had made her very very angry and I was going to have to pay.  I also knew I was losing friends, and that some people who remained friends were acting differently around me.

A few months pass.  Our sons were still in contact with each other, and her son was coming to my house more and more.   Her house was so full of rules that the boys were more comfortable at my place.  This was making her very angry.  She did not want her son to come to my house, but she could not say she didn't because it would make her look like a bad person.  She confided in a mutual friend that I was lying to them both convincing them I was "the cool mom" to get even with her.

I am not exactly sure what happened in her narc mind next, but at some point she decided I needed to pay, and her son had to pay too.  She made a plan.  Her plan was going to be to lock her son out of the her house when he had been at my house.  He would naturally come back to my house and spend the night there.  When he was "missing" the next morning, she could phone a few friends and say he was missing, then phone the police, who would figure out that I had him.  She could then smear me to the police and her friends.  Sounded like a great plan...it would punish her son for coming to my house and she could smear me a second time.

Here is how I stopped her plan.

Her son phoned one day and said his mom refused to allow him to use the computer printer.   He needed to print some things for college and the library was closed.  He asked if he could come use our computer.  Of course I said he could, and she knew that would happen.  She knew I would allow her son to come to my house to print papers.  In her mind, I would allow it just to get even with her, and allow the start of her smear plan.

Her son printed his papers, then it was time for my son to take him back home.   I knew better than to trust her, so I asked my hubby if he could drive the boys back to drop her son off.  He agreed that it was best not to have the two boys around her without a witness,  and he drove the boys to her house.  That was my first step in stopping her plan, even though I had not realized what she was up to at the time.

Hubby waited for her son to go into the house, but instead, he came back.  He said his key wasn't working and that he could not get in.  Hubby thought his key was stuck, so he walked up to the door and tried.  He said someone was on the other side of the door holding the lock, he could feel them when he tried to turn it.  It was dark out and they had no window at the front door, so she was still unaware that it was him and not her son.

Hubby walked back to the car with her son.  He said he knew someone was holding the lock, so he didn't talk at the door, but instead walked to the car.  He had their son get back into the car and brought him back to our house.

I knew when they arrived that she was planning a smear campaign.  I had now brainwashed her son and was holding him hostage and she was going to call everyone she could think of and smear me.  I also knew that she would try to phone the police.  Hubby and I talked for a minute, then decided that we should be proactive.  I figured the first person she would call would be a mutual friend.  My son texted their son and confirmed that they had not gone to bed yet, so I phoned them.  I had hubby explain to them what went on and asked them if they could try to talk to her in the morning to see if they could calm her down and get her to take her son back.  He said calls to their house were going unanswered and suggested they should try to call her.  They said there was no answer when they called.

After getting off the phone with them, I called the non-emergency police number and explained the problem to them. They said that because her son had turned 18 a week earlier that they could not force her to take him back, but they did send someone to write up that the door was being held locked so that their son could not enter.  We showed them the call logs and tried to phone them while the officer was there, proving we were trying to contact them but they were not answering their phone.

The next morning, I could see the narc sitting patiently waiting for a presentable time to call people. I could see the smug grin as she thought about how she was going to cry that her son was "missing".   She phoned our mutual friend first and said her son was missing, that he had not come home the night before and that he was not answering texts (he did not have a phone charger, so his phone was dead).  She thought that our mutual friend would suggest she phone the police if her son was missing and not answering his phone...who wouldn't?   Instead, our mutual friend said that we had phoned her the night before.  I can see her mouth dropping open.  

I have a friend who works at the police station.  He said that she stormed in their that morning with tears in her eyes saying her son was missing.  He said he pulled out the report from the night before and said he was aware of the location of her son and was she aware that someone had held the lock shut the night before.  He said the tears disappeared instantly and she cursed and left.  He said he had seen psychopaths change emotions that quickly before, but it still surprised him that she went from crying concerned mom to anger in a few seconds.

So how did I thwart her plan?  I did not react the way she expected me to.  She thought that I would send her son and my son to the house by themselves.  She thought that when she held the lock, they would give up and come to my house.  I really don't believe she thought we would phone the police, but even if we did, she would say two teen aged boys were wrong.  She did not expect that my husband would be there trying to turn the lock for her son.

She knew we would go back to my house and she knew her son did not have his charger and that at some point calls would go unanswered.  She thought she could run to the police and smear me there, but I jumped ahead of her and explained that no one there could be reached, that her son had tried to phone and my husband said someone was holding the lock.  Her plan ended before it started.

So how can you use this to beat a smear campaign by a narc?

Narcs study you.  A good narc will know how you will react and will expect you to react a certain way.   This means that you need to try to act differently than the narc thinks you will act.  You also need backup.  You need someone to witness the smear campaign.  Do not go anywhere near a narc without a third person, ever.   This will even work at the office.  If Narc starts talking to you, say, "Hang on" and call another person over to witness the conversation.

When the narc is starting their smear campaign, smear back.  Hubby phoned the mutual friend and while telling the story of what happened that night asked questions such as, "Does a normal person hold the lock and not allow their son to get in?"

The first time the narc began her smear campaign, I fell for it.  She told people I stalked her and I want to "be her", so when I would phone them crying that I was not even sure what I did wrong, they would make excuse to get off the phone and some even blocked me.   I was acting just like she said I would and they thought that since I was calling them crying, just like she said I would, that what she said must be true.

I was prepared for the second round.  I did not know when it was coming, or what it would be, but I was not going to act as she thought I would.  I tried to stay out of any interaction with her as much as possible and allow other people to help me.  This allowed them to see what was going on and when she phoned them to smear me, they had been involved and knew more about the situation.   She could not make up random lies to help her story because they had been involved.

The narc ended up refusing to take her son back.   He stayed with me until his college semester started, then he lived on campus.  After having some time away at school, he decided it was best if he stayed with his dad on holidays and no longer lives in the narc's house.

The sad thing is what he said to me once.  He was missing his mom and he said, "You know, I saw what she did to you.  I knew the lies she was telling people.  I heard the original conversation, and I heard the lies she was using, trying to get people to never speak to you again, and I thought she was capable of anything if she could lie like that.  I just never thought she was capable of shutting her own son out of her life".

How sad.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Four Free Books on Amazon

I am always looking for books to read, and found that some authors give away their books for a short period of time as a promotion.  They would like you to review the books, but it's not required.  Here are the ones I found this month:

Fiction: This post contains affiliate links, but the books are free, so I earn nothing on them.