Types of Narcissists - Characteristics

There are some very broad types of narcissists, but that I can find, no one has taken it down to individual characteristics.  When we talk about a serial killer, we have many different types, yet when we talk about narcissists, we have flamboyant and covert and not much else.


Let's start with the basics:

Overt vs Covert
An overt narcissist is the flamboyant narc.  They have grandiose fantasies.  They are the life of the party and can ruin it in a split second.


A covert narcissist is "shy".  They still have fantasies, but worry comes into play and they are not flamboyant in public.    I have found a very good article that discusses the two types here http://www1.appstate.edu/~hillrw/Narcissism/shycovertnarcissist.html  or if you like seeing chart style, http://www1.appstate.edu/~hillrw/Narcissism/arrogantshycomparison.html


Possessive vs Non-Possesive
The possessive narc wants to own you.  This is a dangerous type of narc and this narc can kill you.  This narc grabs hold of you and does not want to let go.  This narc will try to force you into a relationship quickly. Some may try to have a family with you quickly, while others may be happy to just move in.

The non-possessive narc is most likely to use you for sex then move onto someone else.  You start out the relationship thinking you have met your soulmate but soon come to realize that you are a booty call.

Cheaters vs Faithful
Believe it or not there ARE some faithful narcs.  I would say 1% or less, but they are out there.  If you cant decide, assume your narc is a cheater until their faithfulness has been proven.

Dependent vs Independent
The dependent narc will try to get you to support him or her.  You start out dating someone, then they ask for money to help with a bill, or go out to dinner and ask if you can pay for it because they are short of cash.  Before you know it, this narc has moved in with you and has become a leech.  You can't ditch the narc because you can't get them out of your life.  This narc might have a job, but chances are, once they move in with you, the job vanishes and you are left as the breadwinner.

The independent narc has a job and a life outside of you.  You may not even know about parts of their life.  They may offer to take you on trips, but there is always a price to pay.

Mobile vs Immobile
Does your narc have a job that allows him to move often?  Long distance truck driver? Contract work?  If ;your narc moves about the country finding new supply in each location, this is a mobile narc.  This is the type of narc that has a girl in every port.  As long as the supply does not find out about the other supplies, everything is good.  Some may move about often, while others may build relationships then jump to the next contract in a different part of the country and be gone.

In contrast, an Immobile narc stays put in the same location, finding new supply as often as they wish.


Hoover vs Dump Cold
Most narcs will try to get the supply back into the relationship at some point.  Some will triangulate when they have a new supply while others may wait a little longer, then work on getting you back into the relationship.

Dump Cold narcs are done with you when they are done with you.  When this cold hearted narc is finished with you, you are out of their life for good.  Your purpose has been served and you are no longer of use to them, so you are gone.  No hoovering, it's just over.


You can categorize any narc in this way from narcs you work with, to same sex "friend" narcs, parent narcs and lover narcs.   Try it..what is your narc type?


My mother:  Covert, Non-possessive, Faithful, dependent, Immobile, Hoover
My former narc friend:   Overt, non-possessive, faithful, Independent, Mobile, Dump Cold




Here is a link to the best books on narcissism.  Happy Reading!  Narc Books

How the Narcissist won you over for life

From the first time he smiled at you, he had one goal.  That goal was to make you love him.  He wants your undying devotional love and he knows just how to get it. 

The Love Bomb
First he love bombs you.  He cant live without you.  You are everything he ever wanted in a woman.  He wants to know everything about you today.  No waiting around, he wants you now.  You can do no wrong.  You love who you are when you are with him because he figures out what motivates you and he goes for it.  Feel insecure about your hips?  He will find a way to casually tell you that you have the sexiest hips he has ever seen.  He will act as if he is building your ego, but it is all an act.

Exclusivity
The narc wants you to be exclusive, even if he is not. The mistake that victims make is becoming exclusive when he is not.  Sleeping with a narc does not mean he is exclusive, it means he had sex with you.  Do not give exclusivity too soon, you need to make a full life that involves your boyfriend, not one that revolves around him.

The Test
You are casually talking to your narc one day when he slips in a comment about talking to another woman.  He moves over it so quickly as if it's nothing, then he goes back to singing your praises. A person with high self esteem will see right through this and will back him up, make him explain why he is talking to someone else and will probably break up with him right then. 

The Turn
One day you notice that the narc has not texted you today.  It's out of the ordinary, he usually texts you dozens of times a day.  By this time, you are so into him, that you miss his texts, so you text him back.  Instead of being met with a loving text, you are slammed and blamed.   He texts you dozens of times a day and now suddenly your one text is "smothering" or "annoying". 

The Discard That Isn't The End
He dumps you.  You never saw it coming.  He went back to his ex-girlfriend, or found someone who understands him, or one of many other excuses, but you are suddenly so last week.  It was like someone dumped you off the see saw when you were up high.  You slam to the ground, lost. 

The Bait
You work hard to get over him.  You spend many days crying while he enjoys his time with his latest fling.  One night when you feel you can finally move on without him, you get the text.  He says he misses you.  He baits you with whatever words he thinks you want to hear.  Anything to get you back while he also has his new supply.  Will you take the bait?

The Life of Longing
He wants you to be there when he calls or texts, but does not want you to bother him otherwise.  He wants you to spend the rest of your life longing to see him.  Is that what you want?