Why Narcissists Ruin Holidays

Have you experienced it?  You are all set to celebrate your birthday, Christmas, Easter with the kids, but you know that the narc will find a way to ruin the day.  You try to have fun and enjoy it but you are waiting for the inevitable.   Just as you start to have fun, it comes.  The narc ruins it.  Whether they get drunk, don't show up, start a fight, or just "forget" to come, the narc can be counted on to ruin holidays.

The reason your narc misbehaves on holidays is different depending on what type of narc you are dealing with, but the reason they misbehave is the same.  At a holiday event of any kind, the narc is not the center of attention, yet at the same time, events help fuel a narc.

A covert narc will want to hide in the shadows of an event and take everything in.  This is the narc's prime feeding time.  The narc listens to all the stories, all the gossip and this puffs up their sense of well being.  The biggest deal with the covert narc is that he or she may refuse to go, or just not show up to an important event.  This does not seem to matter if the event is in their honor or not.  This type of narc will become angry at you for wanting to celebrate.  Growing up, birthday parties were not allowed in my house.  My mother could not stand the thought of having to be around others, so I was not allowed to have parties.  She also refused to go to things like school plays, performances of any kind and even her own grandson's Eagle Scout Ceremony.  After refusing to go to her own grand-kid's ceremony, she became angry at me for telling her that she was expected to be there and that I would have to tell them a reason she was not there.  By this time, I was well aware that she was a narc and I started being honest, which made her even more angry. I told them that my mother was a narc who does not attend anything that she finds boring, and we were not to expect her to have to show someone some support.

A flamboyant narc would love to come to your event.  They will become the life of the party and if they are not the life of the party, they will find a way to get themselves to be the center of attention.  Holidays deflate this type of narc because they want to be the center of attention, but if they are at someone else's celebration, it is impossible for them to step back and allow the other person to be the center of attention.  They will get drunk or start a fight or find a way to ruin the holiday celebration.

This is also the place where your abusive narc can show their perfection to everyone at the event.  They become the perfect grandma, the perfect mom, dad or husband.   They can put on the best performance you have ever seen drawing attention to themselves and their awesome perfection.  No one suspects how abusive the narc is behind closed doors and the abused person welcomes the attention because it is what they want in a spouse, parent or grandparent.   Be aware that this is not the real personality of the narcissist, it is fake. It is the story they tell outsiders.

Narcissists hate commitments without rewards.  The rewards are different for a covert narc and a flamboyant narc, but both hate commitments without rewards.  This is why the narc will ruin your holiday.