Monday, June 19, 2017
Your Narcissist Mom and Grand kids - A Hierarchy Of Love
If you are still in contact with your Narc Mom, have you noticed that she treats her grand kids differently? Have you noticed she does not view love as endless, but as a limited supply?
Narc Grandmas tend to rank grand kids like this:
Most favored grandchild
This is the kid that gets what ever he or she wants. This is basically a golden child, but it's a golden grandchild. The NM sees herself in this child and tries to mold this one into whatever she wants from a perfect grand child.
Middle grand kids
These are a group of grand kids that are encouraged to fight for grandmas love. Love can be earned by doing whatever grandma wants them to do. This can mean reporting back things about parents, taking up hobbies grandma wants them to take up or whatever other criteria grandma picks. My NM was not a flamboyant narc, so she did not love grand kids who got awards. Getting an award and expecting grandma to go moved you down the list, not up the list. Each Narc Grandma sets her own criteria for scratching your way to the "loved" category.
Lower Middle grand kids
These are pretty much ignored by grandma. She may or may not remember their birthdays and she does not show them love or affection. They are just not the grand kids she asked for, so they probably should not exist. They are encouraged to suck up to grandma just in case she should decide to lower them down a rung to Least Loved.
Least Loved grand kid
Basically the scapegoat grand child. If this is one of your kids, I encourage you to protect this child from your mom. I had the unfortunate situation of having the least loved grand child. At 3 years old, he could not talk. After an entire day of struggling to get his needs met, sometimes he would breakdown and cry out of frustration. My NM called him spoiled and coddled and thought he needed a good spanking. Spankings cure inability to communicate, and since I had them growing up, I knew she meant he needed a good beating. Do not ever leave the least loved grand kid alone with your narc mom! She detests this child and if they are left with her, they will be punished or abused.
It is important to see your mom for what she is and protect your kids from her. If you grew up in an abusive home like I did, you know she will pass that down to her grand kids. Narcissists are not capable of loving all their grand kids equally and they will abuse the least loved. Protect your kids!