Narcissists and Body Shaming

Whether your narcissist is a parent, sibling, spouse or boyfriend, body shaming is one of the ways that they can control you and keep you subservient.   Unfortunately, most women view their bodies as flawed and the narc picks up on this and feeds on it. 

My mother used to tell me that my breasts were "retarded" and that she knew this because in school they showed pictures of "retarded" boobs and they look just like mine.  She also used to take me school shopping each year and insist I go to the Husky sizes first.  I had to prove to her every single year that I was NOT husky.  My weight was NORMAL!   I was so embarrassed to come out of the dressing room wearing pants that I had to hold up because they were six inches larger than my waist and at least four inches too short.  It was meant to humiliate me and put me in my place before we shopped for real clothes for school.

I later dated a guy who told me that if I had a crease where my behind ended and my thighs began that I was too fat.  A crease is normal there.  He would constantly tell me he felt I was gaining weight and getting too fat.  I was 5'4" and weighed 102lbs, yet I was not thin enough for him, he felt I bordered on obese.  He cheated on me and when I found out and as crying, he told me she was nothing like me, that she did not have an ounce of fat on her body anywhere.  He said she was a good five inches taller than me and weighed less and he could not pass that up.  She was very lucky and saw through him quickly. He pointed out a flaw in her and she asked him to leave and never come back.  I know this because the narc did what narcs do and came running back to me with the perfect act of repentance.  He did not have fresh supply lined up yet, so he needed me. 


What can we do? 
I think the new girlfriend had the right idea.  No one has the right to critique your body except you and any person that tries is not your friend.   If someone says to you, "Hon, have you considered a boob job?", your answer should be, "No, but I am considering removing negativity from my life and I think you need to leave now".   

I no longer talk to my mom, but if she were to mention a body flaw, I would state, "I am glad you were able to point that out, but it's not your place and I need you to keep negative thoughts to yourself".

If you are on the phone, it's easy.  State, "Hey, I am kinda busy, can I call you back later?".  Get off the phone immediately.  Do not reward negative behaviors by staying on the phone.  You do not need to give a reason.