Weddings are the perfect time for your narc mom to show her stuff. You are so happy, you just got engaged and race to tell your narc parent. Your reaction will most likely be one of two reactions:
Reaction #1
I am not paying for that. Her parents paid for her wedding, but she is most certainly not going to pay for yours. If you are lucky, she will refuse to go while she is at it.
Reaction #2
Great, I am going to pay for it. I am going to make your dress, pick your food, make your cake. I am going to be the center of attention. It's my money, why shouldn't I have a say in it. Oh, and at the wedding, I am going to embarrass you. I will either scowl the entire day, fight with you either the night before or that day then blame you, announce that your dress isnt working out as planned that you need to come up with another option, drink too much, or suddenly decide the time is not right and refuse to go.
Mine was the first. Not only did she refuse to help me pay for the wedding, she refused to dress shop with me. I found out pretty quickly that when you walk into a dress shop and say your mom wouldn't come, that you are not taken seriously. The shop workers think you are wasting their time if your mom is not there. I wish I had known then what I know now. I would have said, "My mom died when I was two, I wish she could be here, I brought my maid of honor instead".
My narc mom did not want me to have a wedding. She wanted me to elope. She pressured me to elope the entire engagement, but the night before the wedding it came to a head and she had me crying so loud that the neighbors called the cops thinking she was killing me. She stormed out of my room and refused to go to the reception. She said she would help me get ready for the reception, but she ended up being "too busy".
I was lucky. If you allow your narc mom, she will ruin your wedding. Did your narc mom ruin your wedding? Did she get drunk, decide to wear a wedding dress herself? Forget to sew your dress? Make it too big or too small?
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