Getting Over Your Narcissist Ex-Husband or Ex-Boyfriend

Why is it so hard to get over a narc?  Because you were groomed to think the two of you were meant for each other.  You were sold a person that does not exist.  When you said you favorite food was ice cream, he or she said, "MINE TOO!!".  When you said you hated parties, he or she said, "No Way, I do too!".  You were made to feel that the two of you were born to be together.  You were made to feel that you were perfect for each other.  When the narc was sure that you were convinced, his or her true self started to show.  The narc became the person who cheats, lies, talks badly about you, etc.

At some point, you have enough and you decide to move on.....but the hard part comes now.  First off, the narc is not willing to let supply go.  If you get weak and call, you can bet they will answer the phone with, "I was just thinking about you".  They were not, the narc says that to everyone.  

The way to get over a narc is to realize that there are 2 people involved here.  There is the persona that you were sold and there is the real narc.  By separating the two personalities, you realize that you miss the person that does not exist.  You miss the kind, caring person, not the narc.  

You need to mourn the person that does not exist while realizing that the narc is not that person either, that he or she made the person up so that they could snag you.   When you feel lonely and weak and want to call the narc, remember, you are not calling the kind, loving person you miss.  The person you miss is gone.  Do not call the narc, he or she is mean and evil.  Instead, treat it as you would treat the death of a close friend.  

When you miss your dead friend, write a letter to him or her.  Take it out and bury it, symbolically burying your feelings.  Go to a local graveyard and pick a lonely tombstone.   When you want to talk to the narc, go this tombstone and mourn the person you loved.  If you are uncomfortable with that, pick a park and pick a location in the park.  A nice park bench could work, or just a spot on a path where you can talk to the person you miss and mourn them.  

Remember that the person you were sold does not exist and even though it came from the narc, the narc is NOT the person you miss.  The person you miss can be mourned and you can move on.