Key Point #5 Narcissist Fairy Tales - What They Tell Others

This key point is for any narc.

Your narc spouse cheated on you with your best friend.  He promised not to cheat again, but three weeks later you find that he is cheating again with a woman at work and you suspect he has another fling, but you cant quite find her.  Your narc tells his girlfriends that you suffocate him and that he feels like he cannot go to the bathroom alone.


Your narc mom made your childhood miserable.  She tried to abandon you several times and she beat you.  She says you make up drama for the sake of it.


You had something traumatic happen in your childhood.   You nearly drowned in the ocean and are now scared of water.  You tell someone this story with your narc mom present.  She says it never happened....in front of your friend.


Narcs have an alternate reality that best suits them.  Their actions have no consequences, but yours do.  They have learned to manipulate the truth to make themselves look better.


You can put time and energy into trying to make them look bad for lying or you can let their own lies engulf their life.  People may act like they do not see the narcs lies, but they will eventually.   My own mom's sister (my aunt) acts as if she isn't sure my mom lies.  She grew up with her, she knows the woman is lying if her mouth is moving, she just does not want to get into that battle.  Allow people the right not to get involved.  Just smile and say, "If that is how you remember it" and leave it at that.   If someone says to you that the narc has a different version simply answer, "Wow, do they really think so? What type of person would lie like that?".

Do not get into it.  Chances are, the person is a flying monkey and set to run your story back to the narc...and you will pay.  Lord knows we all have to "pay".



Here are some books I found helpful.

Key Point #4 It's Always Your Fault When Dealing With The Narc

Yes, it is always your fault.  It does not matter if the narc is a co-worker, a mother, father, partner, husband, wife, sister or friend.  It is always your fault.



You just caught your boyfriend or husband narc cheating.  It's your fault because you over-react to everything, so you were not told.  People have to walk on egg shells around you, they are scared of you so they don't tell you anything.  It's your own fault.  You pushed the narc into cheating by being suspicious even if you weren't.


Your father is dying of cancer and your narc mom decides to plan a trip.  She is currently punishing you for something so she isn't talking to you.  Even though they live 600 miles from you and have to drive 2 miles away from your home to get to the beach, you aren't told there is a family vacation. Why?  Because you would cause drama.  Someone might have to do something you want to do while they are at the beach and it's the last trip ever for your dad, and no one wants to remember you in it because you are so demanding.   You find out there was a trip when people start posting photos of everyone at the beach.  If you ask anyone why you were not invited, you will be the drama maker.  The narc mom who planned on omitting you from the trip is a victim of your drama.  So you cry alone instead because without doing a thing, it was your fault.


You invite your narc mom to your son's Eagle Scout Ceremony.  She said it sounds boring and she does not want to go.  You tell her that they plan on honoring the grandparents and you are expected to let them know why grandparents won't be there.  You can't tell them the truth, so you are forced to lie.  She finds out and is angry about the lie you chose to tell.  It's all your fault, you caused drama.  Her real reason was not the drama here, YOUR lie was the drama.


The narc will always turn things around on you.  You will be expected to put up with their cheating, cover for their lies and do it while worshiping the ground they walk on.

If you choose to keep the narc in your life, this will be your life. Here are some books I found helpful:

What If Your Narcissist Mom Or Dad Cuts You Out Of The Will?

If you have been reading my posts, or know a narcissist, you know that they will do anything to manipulate you. Yes, anything. In my family, the most desperate threat of all is to either leave someone out of the will, or to leave them the "Slap in the face" $1.

 I know this is what my narcissist mom plans to do to me, and this may be what yours is doing to you. There actually is something you can do about it.

 First off, realize that this is desperation. In the narcissist mind, it's not the thought of getting nothing that brings them to this, it's the thought of living without the narc. In a narcissists mind, their presence is a blessing to you and everyone else, so dying is the greatest punishment ever.
 This actually may be true, but for different reasons than the narc believes. We all want a mom or dad who loves us and we have been robbed of that. Our narcissistic parents have stolen from us the loving family that we have always dreamed about and replaced it with a narc who thinks only about his or herself. Who cares what you want, it's always about the narcissist. The bad parenting goes beyond the narc and into the child's life. Many narcissist parents love seeing their kids fail, or love seeing them in the spotlight whether they want to be or not.

 A parent's job is to find what the child wants to do and help develop those skills and talents. Our narcissistic parents failed here. They created dependent kids who spent their life walking on egg shells trying not to upset the narc parent.

 When I was a child, I wanted to be a gymnast to the point that I taught myself to do a back handspring. I wanted it bad, but I didn't have the equipment or training to properly learn it. Do you think my narcissist mom cared? No. She ignored my requests for gymnastics lessons. I wanted to go to college. She did nothing to help me get there, and when I did go behind her back and get into a college, she made sure I had no way to get to class.


 I also spent much of my life in a weird isolation.  I saw church people an my mom's family and that was all.    We were allowed to see my mom's family one day per week. I enjoyed this day because I got to hang out with my cousins and roam free doing what I wanted without a critical eye....or so I thought. I got dirty once and my mom became angry and sat me down on the porch swing and told me that I was to stay there and not get into the car. I was not to tell my father anything or I would have to stay there forever, but I was not allowed to go home. I immediately began crying and my mom's evil side showed in her face. I knew she had no love for me. I knew nothing I did or said was going to change her mind because I had to pay. I had to pay by staying at my grandparents for a week and I would have to tell them some lie about why I was left behind. Luckily my dad chose to walk out the door beside me. I was crying hard, and he glanced at me and told me to get to the car. I cried louder and louder and by the time he was halfway to the car, he realized something was wrong and asked me why I was not obeying him and going to the car. That was my cue. I ran to him and told him what my evil mother had said. He looked at her as if he could not believe she said it. She shrugged and said, "I never said that, she's lying". My dad turned and walked to the car never questioning my mom. He believed her. I got to go home with my parents, but I also knew that my dad was never going to believe me and that my mom was free to tell any lie she could dream up. That was my life.



 So, yes, my mom has made sure I found out that I am being left $1 from her will (although I highly suspect she has not and will not write a will because that would be even worse). What will I do? My mom cannot stand homosexuals. She feels they are an abomination and if they were struck from the earth today, she would be happy. One time she wondered outloud if all the straight people left San Francisco for a single day if her god would strike the city from the earth. She was sure he would. So


What will I do when my mom dies? I will take her $1 or anything else she leaves me and add $999 to it and donate it to a charity.

 I think I will try to find one that finds homes for young people who have discovered they are gay and been cut out by their families. My goal is two fold. First, to slap my mom back by not caring that she died and left me $1 and second to make something good come from it. If your parents have cut you out of the will, realize that it is an act of desperation to make you fall in line.


 You can fall in line for money, or you can live the life you want to live without it. I make more in a year than my mom's assets are worth, and frankly, she can light it all on fire for all I care. I do not need her or her money.

 I have mourned the mom I always wanted and you can too. If you need help mourning your mom, hop on over to this article and get started mourning the parents god never gave you.  How to Mourn The Mom You Always Wanted


Here are some books I found helpful:

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