This key point is for any narc.
Your narc spouse cheated on you with your best friend. He promised not to cheat again, but three weeks later you find that he is cheating again with a woman at work and you suspect he has another fling, but you cant quite find her. Your narc tells his girlfriends that you suffocate him and that he feels like he cannot go to the bathroom alone.
Your narc mom made your childhood miserable. She tried to abandon you several times and she beat you. She says you make up drama for the sake of it.
You had something traumatic happen in your childhood. You nearly drowned in the ocean and are now scared of water. You tell someone this story with your narc mom present. She says it never happened....in front of your friend.
Narcs have an alternate reality that best suits them. Their actions have no consequences, but yours do. They have learned to manipulate the truth to make themselves look better.
You can put time and energy into trying to make them look bad for lying or you can let their own lies engulf their life. People may act like they do not see the narcs lies, but they will eventually. My own mom's sister (my aunt) acts as if she isn't sure my mom lies. She grew up with her, she knows the woman is lying if her mouth is moving, she just does not want to get into that battle. Allow people the right not to get involved. Just smile and say, "If that is how you remember it" and leave it at that. If someone says to you that the narc has a different version simply answer, "Wow, do they really think so? What type of person would lie like that?".
Do not get into it. Chances are, the person is a flying monkey and set to run your story back to the narc...and you will pay. Lord knows we all have to "pay".
Here are some books I found helpful.
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