Saturday, May 20, 2017
Excuses For Bad Parenting- When Your Narcissist Mom Justifies Her Bad Behavior
How does your mom react to the movie Mommy Dearest?
One of the things narcissist do is to compare themselves to others in an attempt to justify their bad behaviors. Somehow in their mind, if there is someone out there worse than they are, then they are FINE. As long as someone is more abused than you, then your mom is not abusive. I still do not follow the logic behind it, but it was how my narc mom felt.
I recall it from the time I was very small. Hearing my mom tell stories of how bad other parents were. My mom loved to lock me out of the house as punishment and one of my aunts found out about it. My aunt confronted my mom and my mom talked about how there was a woman down the street that did not allow her kids in the house at all during the day, that she set out peanut butter and bread for them at lunchtime. She would then get this look on her face that told me she was gloating and felt she was a much better mom than that.
I also recall once my sister had a teacher confront her about my mom. My sister told my mom about the accusations and my mom burst into tears. She could not believe that anyone would question her parenting ability. She harped about how we were not abused and she couldn't imagine why anyone would think we were. The only problem was that we were abused. I had a purse thrown at me once that cut my head, I knew how to hide in the hamper or deep in my closet so she could not find me.
Mommy Dearest came out when I was a young teen and in the prime of her abuse. She had a good time talking about the movie to any of her friends that would listen. It was proof that my mom was a good mom! She never woke us up to clean the bathroom, she never made messes for us to clean up, she was a GOOD mom! My mom said she would never make us give away our birthday gifts, why that was terrible. The fact was, we did not have to give away birthday gifts because we never had parties. We were not allowed. Why would anyone be allowed to do anything that did not involve my mom as the center of attention? Forget it!
She also talked about how horrible it was to send your kids away to boarding school! I could tell by her voice that she was actually jealous of that one. If my mom could have afforded for us to go to boarding school, we would have been away.
The night before my wedding, my mom pitched the biggest fit I had ever seen. She did not want me to have a wedding and I was NOT going to have one! She thought that by pressuring me and ranting that I would cave in and decide not to have one. I was not going to cancel the wedding and the more I refused, the worse she got. She came at me in an attempt to "mark my face" so I would cancel "this horrible thing I was making her go to" and that was the one and only time my dad stepped in. I think he stepped in because he realized that if she hit me and cut my face or bruised me, I was NOT cancelling the wedding, I would go and tell everyone she did it.
Did you see it in your mom? If you want to read more about narc moms, please check out the books below. These are my favorite and I have found that it helps to read them...keep them and when you are feeling down, re-read one.