Some narc mom's push their kids into the spotlight. They want them to be the best at everything and push them to do things they really don't want to do. They are flamboyant narcs.
But there is another type of narc mom. The narc mom like mine. The one that never supports you in anything you do and is never there for you.
I can recall the disappointment from the time I was little.
Want to take gymnastics? Forget it.
Want to join a club and need to be picked up after school? Forget it.
Want to do things with your friends after school and need a ride? Forget it.
School play? You must be kidding!
Growing up, my mom did manage to make it to a few band concerts, but those were few and far between and if she could have figured a way out, she would have. By the time I reached high school, she was a no show to everything.
I grew up and wanted to get married. I wanted a real wedding with a supportive mom. What did I get? A mom who refused to wedding dress shop with me. A mom who refused to go to my reception.
I moved away and had kids. Did she ever come to their summer birthday parties? Forget it. That wasn't happening.
I went into labor very early with one of my kids and I phoned her and asked if she could come help me out by watching the other kids. She said no, she didn't want to.
Again, birthdays. She was invited, she never showed.
My kids started getting awards. I invited her to their ceremonies. She said they were boring and refused to come. She refused to come to any of my son's Eagle Scout ceremonies.
My kids graduated from high school and college. Did she ever come to their graduations? You have got to be kidding. Why should SHE have to sit through someone else's graduation?
My mom was never there for me. She never helped me with anything. It was always her way or no way. I could not expect her to do something she considered boring.
My last words to her were, "You slammed the door on me, it was your choice. It's my choice not to allow you back into my life. You chose to be mean to me and if you wanted me to talk nicer about you, you should have treated me better. It's my story and I will tell it. "
Here are some books I found helpful in healing