Wednesday, May 31, 2017

How to Make Your Narc Ex Miss You

Just like when you were kids on the see saw, you thought things were going great, and the other person hopped off with no warning crashing you down.  You thought the relationship was great, or you thought that it had its problems but that the two of you could work on them.

It seemed out of the blue.  Maybe he or she found new supply and left you for them, or maybe you walked in and found your significant other cheating on you.  Either way, the two of you broke up and you want him to miss you like you miss him! I refer to a male, but a woman can do the same thing, its just easier to choose a sex and go with it.

First, lets get to the real issue.  You miss the narc.  You miss how the narc made you feel when you were with him.  You miss the person the narc sold you, which was a lie.  You want the narc to feel the same.  You want him to miss you.  So what do you do?

First off, write him or her a quick email or text and tell them that you do not want a bad or nasty breakup, that you are sorry that the relationship did not work out.  This helps you end the relationship in your mind and gives you high ground.  He cannot go running to new supply with, "look what that witch said..".

Next, you will not have sex with the narc ever again, no matter what.  The two of you have broken up.  If the narc wants you to have sex, it is not because he loves you, it is because he wants sex.  He also has not had time to look for new supply, so he is going back to old supply.  Sex to the narc is not a way of showing love, it is sex.  When the narc asks you for sex, ask him if he went back to old supply when the two of you were together, then end the conversation.

You need limited to no contact.  If your narc is happy with no contact, that tells you something.  He has moved on before he even got out of the relationship.  At this point, phoning, emailing, texting him will make you look pitiful.  Since that is not who you are, you will not do it.  If you feel weak and want to call him, I do have a suggestion that I will get to later.  You are going to limit contact only to the bare essentials.  If you have kids, draft an email letting him know when he may contact you by phone (emergency involving kids), when he may contact you by email (non-urgent) and when he should send you a text (if he will be late).  He is not to phone you to ask how your mom is doing, that is not his concern.  If he phones, you answer, "what is the emergency?"  If he stalls, hang up.  Do NOT allow him to break the boundary you have set.    This also means deleting him off facebook and any other application where he can see you.  You will want him on ignore.  There is no reason for him to see you on facebook, ever.  Ignore him and his friends and family (unless it's his mom who has a relationship with your kids).  The few people who are left need to be put on the acquaintance list.  Make your posts "friends except acquaintance" and they see nothing.    You will NOT initiate any contact with him.  Yes, this is hard...but you have to.  The exception is if you have kids and need to email him and then it is only to be an email about the kids.

Your best shot at making the narc miss you is by living a life that does not include him.  He wants supply.  He wants someone he can phone 3 years from now and say, "hey, I miss you" and get sex.  You will not be this person.  You want someone in your life who loves you for who you are and wants to be in your life for the day to day contact, not someone who phones you for sex.   You downgraded his priority and made your self respect your highest priority.  Narcs do not want you to do that!    If you are in contact and an argument starts, it is highly important that you end the conversation immediately.  Do NOT argue with the narc.  How to do this is simply... you say, "Hey, I'm kinda busy right now, can I call you back later?" And hang up.

What will you do during this time?  You will work on yourself and your self confidence.  Try something new, join a meetup group, do something you have always wanted to do.  Besides that, you need to mourn the person that the narc sold you.  How do you do that?  Realize that the narc sold you a lie.  A person that does not exist.  You will need to picture in your mind splitting the narc into 2 people.  The first person is the narc in his true form.  Think about all the terrible things he has done to you. The other is the lie the narc sold you.  To mourn this narc, you can get an object that reminds you of him.  It can be something as simple as his name on a slip of paper.  Next you will write a letter to the narc.  Take a few days if necessary.  Be sure to include everything you can think of.  Write it out.  Go for a walk someplace nearby and bury the person that never existed.  Dig a small hole.  Put the keepsake into the hole and read the note outloud.  Put the note into the hole and bury the entire thing.  Mark the location.  If you want to phone the narc, you will need to walk to this location and talk to the "grave" instead of phoning them.

The narc will notice.  HE WILL notice that you aren't doing what he expected.  He expected to be begged back.  He expected you to want him so badly that you would have sex with him knowing you are the other woman.  He expected that you had so little self esteem that this would be EASY.  He will not understand what happened.  He will not understand why you are not calling him, texting him, begging him.  He will wonder why you won't have sex with him.  His plan always works, yet it did not with you..... That is the ONLY way to get a narc to think about you after discard.

You deserve someone who feels that you are enough.

For more support, read How to Get Over the Narc

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